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Cozumel Trip Report
Posted by ellejandro on 01/02/01

Trip Report Dec. 16-27, 2001

my girlfriend and I stayed at the presidente 12/16 to 12/27. have to say I had high expectations after reading the reviews posted here. what can I tell you? I'm never going to cozumel again. you may find some nice locals on the island, but they won't be anywhere the tourists go. cozumel gets a couple of cruise ships per day, 6-8 or more on tuesdays and wednesdays. each carries 2-3,000 passengers. figure that's roughly 25 ships per week, or 50-60,000 people that overwhelm the local population. All the businesses in town have geared their business operations towards serving this crowd that drops major coin into the local economy - figure $5m a week. translation: rip them off, because an hour from now they will be gone and you'll never see them again. a walk around downtown in the waking hours is like going to a car dealership. on the flip side if you're smart you can take anything you want on the shelves for 1/4 or less of the asking price - because they expect that if you walk out the door they'll never see you again. by the way, none of the nicknacks you see on the shelves are made in Cozumel, they all come from sweat labor on the mainland.

it's the little things that make or break a fine hotel, such as honoring your reservations. We had booked six months in advance, and had proof in writing of a guaranteed rate for a reef room. nonetheless, when we arrived, the 6 continents club concierge would only give us a beachfront room for that rate, claiming that the hotel could not suffer such a business loss. this one-sided negotiation took an hour, after we had travelled 12 hours to get there, and I was not in the mood for their bullshit. speaking of 6 continents club amenities, the fruit delivered to our room every other day was of questionable quality - it seemed a bit beyond shelf life. on the other hand, there was no shortage of club soda - we accumulated almost a case throughout our stay. the beachfront room was ok, although it lacked a bathtub, and the water was COLD!!!! this is outrageous for an hotel where you pay over $300 a nite. maintenance came and fixed it, but the problem seemed to recur when the hotel filled up after the 22nd. I'm guessing their boilers are insufficient for full capacity. we soon learned to budget showers for 4 minutes each.

from 12/16 to 12/23 cozumel was so dead it seemed like aliens had landed and started eating everyone in sight. we would be one of 3 or 4 patrons in a restaurant, in a shop, at the beach. this is a good thing and a bad thing. good, because we didn't have to line up at the door to get in, as we witnessed after the xmas vacationers arrived, but bad, because like at the restaurant La Parilla, they served us someone else's mixed grill for two entree that had probably been returned, cold and not the one we ordered, and the waiter insisted there had been a misunderstanding, even though my girlfriend had repeated it to him twice and pointed to it on the menu. we made the rounds of the so-called "fine" restaurants in town, La Choza, La Mission, etc. they sucked. ok, we live in the bay area so maybe we're a little spoiled due to the heavy culinary competition here, but there was nothing special about what we ate in cozumel. it's all show for the tourists. I've eaten at mexican restaurants in san francisco that were far better for half the price. the one restaurant that was decent was The French Quarter, owned and run by Americans, Mike and his son Mike. They have cajun cuisine and continental fare, a welcome change from mexican food. 

Speaking of which, El Caribeno, the outdoor restaurant at the Presidente, was nicely located but the fare was so-so. I make guacamole at home all the time, and I know if it sits out for an hour, it starts to turn brown. not so at El Caribeno - I wonder how much aluminum dioxide they put in as a preservative. Room service, which we ordered about 5 times, was fine except the food was always lukewarm or cold by the time it arrived. oh, and remember there's a 15% service charge and a 10 peso per person setup charge. Exchange rate was roughly 10 pesos per dollar, although many establishments (including the Presidente) make a pretty penny by selling pesos at 9.3/dollar
It was hot when we arrived, and we asked for extra water bottles for our room - the maid made us call the front desk to authorize, and they charged us $2 per bottle. We had arrived in Cancun, took a taxi down to Playa Del Carmen (about $60 going there, rip off, and $30 coming back), then took the ferry across to Cozumel (warning: you may get seasick when it's choppy). Ferry runs 60 pesos per person, and porters help you with your luggage for about 20 pesos in bicycle carts. Taxis from downtown to El Presidente are 36 pesos. Internet access is everywhere - expect to pay about 10c per minute. Go in the early evening and you'll have a T-1 line all to yourself. The Calling Station was our fave - right on the main drag, by 3rd St. South.

We rented a scooter the 2nd or 3rd day we got there. several words of advice. it about $25 for 24 hours anywhere in town, so pick a place that has a good selection of helmets (several places north of the town square). mine didn't fit right without cutting off my circulation, and they were dank! If you love to scooter, bring your own bike helmet - you'll be better off. These things go 70 kilometers per hour, or about 45 mph, so don't ride drunk - or you'll end up as one of the 5-10 accidents per week - road rash is not amusing. if you get hurt, they'll take you to a very expensive hospital where your medical coverage will not be honored. you can ask to be taken to a different hospital, where you will be charged 1/50 as much (information courtesy of some other tourists we met). another thing - if you're riding around the island, and expect it will get dark before you return, bring clear glasses with you - chips on the road fly up and embed in your skin, you will look like manuel noriega when you are done. but it's downright dangerous without eye protection.

likewise, we rented a car for a week. although I spent a considerable amount of time trying to make reservations through the concierge, when we arrived it had to be done all over again, an hour wait. it cost $300 per week for a Nissan Tsuru (like a Sentra) with a manual and A/C. Add in $40 per day for full insurance and $5 per day for additional driver, and it came out to $500+ for the week. ouch. We rented from Smart Car, per someone's suggestion on this board. When we returned the car, we were informed that there would be an additional 6% surcharge to pay with a credit card (what US business would survive doing this?) and after I made a scandal the manager told me he would refund the fee and "take it out of the employee's salary who rented me the car, because he had not explained it to me when the car was rented". this little appeal to my generosity went unheeded. As I walked out, having saved $35, I reminded the manager that he had personally rented me the car :-)
so it was expensive, but worth it to teach my girlfriend how to drive a stick. by the way, don't bother renting a jeep or a convertible - unless you like to be soaked when it rains. none of them have roofs that close properly, and there's precious little offroading to be done on Cozumel- you're probably not there for that anyway. We did like to drive around the island - unfortunately, most of the restaurants were always closed, given there were no tourists around. lots of wind & waves on the east side were huge, so no snorkeling, but very romantic.

speaking of rain, there were torrential downpours that went 72 hours thru xmas, and it rained almost every day. we were there for 11 days, and there were about 3 days when it was nice and sunny. be aware that the best and sunniest time of day to snorkel etc. is from 7am to about noon, after that the wind picks up, it gets cloudy, and the water gets choppy. don't go snorkel at the Presidente right when the boats are all going out at 9am, or coming back in at 2-4pm - they make big waves.

And speaking of snorkeling, those jokers at Scuba Du, the onsite scuba place @ the Presidente, promised to put us on a snorkel boat twice, both times we woke up early to get there to be told that (a) the other people who had signed up to go were involved in a scooter accident - which turned out to be a lie; and (b) the water is too rough - also a lie. they then tried to get us onto a cattle boat, which stops at 6 resorts to pick people up - you spend 4 hours on the boat and 1 hour in the water - no thanks!
we ended up driving to Palancar, which was amazing - we paid these guys $100 + tip (about the same price as Scuba Du or the cattle boat) to take us out in their launcha, a fast boat. one guy went in the water with us, we stopped at colmbia, palancar, and several places in between. they were very nice, and the snorkeling was amazing!!! we came back to the beach for a great lunch right on the water, and it started pouring for hours. had we been on the cattle boat, we would have been just getting to the reef by then.

btw - we tried Chankanaab one day - it sucked, and the whole day we were yelled at by the staff there. ridiculous tourist rip off from hell. I don't go to the beach to get aggravated - you're better off sitting at the beach at the Presidente.

We also went on a great, although expensive ($350/pp) trip to Guatemala to see Tikal, the ancient Mayan city in the middle of the rainforest. this included airfare (non-pressurized cabin), a nice bus, and guides etc. we felt a bit rushed, but it was a great trip - Tikal was amazing. they also took us to a little island town where we had about 15 mins to shop for souvenirs before taking the plane home. 

Re: entertainment, there is none, so don't even think of going to Cozumel and finding any. there are four or five niteclubs in town in addition to whatever they have in the AI resorts, but this means either bad 80's music DJ's (ruby tuesdays, hard rock, carlos & charlies) or outdated latino music. there is one bar on the waterfront that has live music, but unfortunately, they tend to cater to the musical tastes of the seniors who frequent there. 

Summary: In the past year, I've stayed with Intercontinental in Chicago and London/Mayfair, and this felt like Motel 8 in comparison. All the bullshit we had to put up with for the 6 hours we actually spent snorkeling was just not worth it.